An eye opening

A little bit of background about ME. Where do I begin... Having been a Christian for most of my life, remembering times when I was "chatting' with Jesus, my best friend while I was at school. I had such a close relationship with him that I decided to do a service year at Hatfield Christian school for a year. Which I enjoyed so much that I studied BA theology through them the following year. During my first 2 years we had class 5 days a week and Sunday service that we were encouraged(guilt tripped) into having to attend the pre-service prayer, worship and preaching that lasted 2 ours each. It was a charismatic church so they went big on the holy spirit. Speaking in tongues, falling in the spirit, prophecies... you name it we had it. 

I had amazing lecturers, very devoted and well prepared for the class. One phrase that really stuck with me when we learned about other cultures and beliefs was : "Always try first to understand before wanting to be understood." I took this phrase to heart, when I met with people from different backgrounds I tried to hear their story first, before giving them the low down on Christs salvation for them. I still think this might have been my "downfall" and why I became open minded about religion in general.

I had a beautiful relationship with my Muslim neighbor from Cameroon. Since both our religions claim they are the superior religion, we came to a mutual agreement that either I'm right and he is wrong or he is right and I stand to be corrected. My class mates did not have the same attitude towards other religions, they laughed at them. One day we watched a documentary about Hindus and what extremes they go through in India, one guy sat on a pole for days on end, and they thought it was the biggest joke ever. This stirred something in my heart. It actually broke, I started doubting. How can we as Christians be the only religion that leads to some sort of heaven after death but we look down on other religions in our arrogance.

Then I started working at a NG church, while continuing with my studies, part time. All was good until I started going through a quarter life crisis. My pastor didn't know what to do with me, I was boarder line depressed. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be a pastor any more, I didn't want to work with a bunch of Christians. Then I got involved with a guy 16 years older than me. He looked like Richard Gear, tall, thick grey hair. I thought he was so sexy but when we went out together people thought it was my dad... huge romance killer. 

Through the grace of god I finished my degree and met with a good friend who understood my messiness and asked me one question. If I put a map in front of you, where would you want to go. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go? Eventually I decided on Thailand, Phuket. Booked myself a TEFL course and a plain ticket and with the help of my BA degree I was able to land myself a job, teaching English to a class of 30, five-year old's. Who didn't understand a word of English. Not an easy job for me with zero teaching experience. But I made it through, I was independent. First time I had to stand on my own two feet, saved up for a scooter and bought it cash. Met people from all over the world, stayed in a bungalow on a hill in the forest. Beautiful paradise beaches at my fingertips, life was good. I had a few flings... Thai, Spanish-Indian, and ended up dating a guy from America for 10 months. He was a proclaimed atheist, when I asked him weather it is not a scary thought that he does not believe in a God who created all of this his answer was, "I think its quite intriguing that all of this came to arise out of nothing and there is not conclusive answer for how it came to be. That to me is amazing."

 

This was a huge eye opening for me. As a Christian I heavily judged Atheists, thinking they are evil, not believing in a God and here is an Atheist in wonder about the earth, gazing at the stars and just in awe about how it all came to be. During my time in Thailand I met stunning people, my best friend was a Thai, gay Buddhist. He was working at the school reception and helped me through my transition into teaching and being in a foreign country. He went shopping with me, we had lunch together every day. We went out drinking and believe me he could drive a scooter straight even when he was so drunk that he forgot his English and started speaking in Thai to me. 

I really started doubting this Christian club that I was apart of. Having had these really wonderful experiences with non-Christians and a very bad experience with some people at a Church I went to. I had what I would call "a dark night of the soul"